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Turn That Trauma Upside Down!

January 24, 2025


CONTENT WARNING: My anecdotes will mostly be about an emotionally abusive parent, but will also include a coping mechanism you can try when dealing with the fallout of a close relationship with said parent or trauma

There’s no way I can talk about this topic without speaking ill about my father, especially since I have a very distrustful view of him nowadays. So yea, if my dad finds this article, then I’m sorry dude, but if you didn’t treat me the way you did throughout my life, then I wouldn’t be talking about you like this.

Anyway, I have to preface this by saying that without going into in-depth detail, my dad is very emotionally abusive. We’re talking about someone who would speak in an aggressive tone when he’s upset with me, or talk in circles just to confuse me, or even threaten physical violence even if that moment never manifests. He’s far from the absolute worst kind of person in the world, but he’s certainly not a good father. To my knowledge, he has divorced twice (one of them was with my mother), is fairly conservative, has a skewed perception of society based on pop culture, and has not changed his attitude ever since my parents first married.

Nowadays, my dad is living the beach life in Florida, and I would rather have him stay there. He looks like an old beach dad anyway, with the frayed hair and gray-haired facial hair to match. I also never wanna visit Florida again because of their…*ahem*, anti-trans policies. I’ve only gotten a glimpse into his life through his rambling phone calls and the photos he’s sent me, but I think he at least found a friend group that aligns with his interests and point of view (more on them later). Let’s just say that he’s acclimated pretty well to CishetWorld. I don't trust my dad, but I am currently in contact with him for now.

That said, I’d like to talk about a fun little coping mechanism that helped people like me quash the fear that’s associated with painful memories. Shortly after my parents divorced, my mom went to therapy to help process the fallout of breaking her 20+ year marriage with my dad. Among those painful memories and trauma were recurring instances where my dad would get upset over the most petty things, such as unknowingly stepping on water on the kitchen floor whenever he wore socks. Sure, you might think, that’s a dumb thing to get extremely upset over, especially after someone finished cleaning the dishes, but witnessing a bout of anger even over the stupidest things can certainly strike fear into ya as a close family member.

When my mom brought this up during therapy, her therapist suggested trying to turn that trauma into something silly, so that you can try to let go of the fear that’s tied to it. The therapist said something to the tune of “instead of focusing on that pain of that memory, think of it as a wet sock party.” I’d say this shift in thinking has worked out pretty well because when my mom told me and my sister about this therapy session, we carried it on as an in-joke! Nowadays, whenever we accidentally spill water on the floor, either my sister or I will reflexively mention the “wet sock party.” It’s great. It’s like Greek people shouting “Opa!” whenever they make a mistake like dropping a plate on the ground. You’re actively transforming an act of fear or embarrassment into an ironic cause for celebration. I love this story that my mom told me, especially now when I’m seeing history repeat itself on my end!

Fast forward to this month when I’m making a logo commission for my dad: I’m designing a logo that can be made into a woven patch for a ballcap. It's supposed to be for a small recreational organization that my dad is running with his friends. I will say that the experience of being commissioned by my dad has been…interesting, to say the least, because I got to see more of how he behaves. I kid you not, one of the first things he told me was to give the logo a “male-oriented color scheme.” Hello? Weird comments aside, the logo I made includes a figure of a person on a stand-up paddleboard, which is a surfboard-looking flotation device outfitted for a person to stand upright while navigating calm waters with a long oar. However, this was the first time I was fielding feedback from not just the paying client (which is my dad in this case), but also his friends associated with the small organization I’m making the logo for.

Some of the pieces of feedback I’ve gotten from my dad’s friends were something like “The person reminds me of a bozo or clown character from a cartoon,” and “Can you imagine a better person/body type?” I’m not gonna lie: those comments genuinely hurt my feelings, and it was ruining my day. It made me self-conscious about how I approach anatomy, even after undergoing multiple revisions and adjustments on the person I drew. I was about to start over on the drawing but instead, my dad suggested that I draw the stand-up paddleboard in place of the person, so it worked out in the end since I could replace the figure with a simpler image.

Despite the welcomed change in direction, I still felt upset about that feedback! I sent screenshots of my logo commission and the feedback to some of my online friends. Many of those folks didn’t understand what was wrong with the person I drew, because it looked pretty average. Maybe my dad’s friends were overly critical, or they had very specific expectations in mind that I was completely unaware of.

But then one of my friends made a whimsical suggestion. Ever heard of copypastas? They generally refer to blocks of text that get copied & pasted so many times that they become a catchphrase or it’s used ironically as a response. Sometimes they can get pretty lengthy like the Navy Seal Copypasta. Copypastas can get pretty intense if you read it at face value, but they’re not meant to be taken seriously.

Anyway, one of my friend’s responses to my hurtful feedback was “New copypasta: reminds me of a bozo or clown character.” That same friend later mentioned that the feedback struck them as a strange funny thing to say, so maybe that’s saying something about those Floridian beach bums. Knowing how copypastas are meant to be turned around as an ironic catchphrase, I kinda forgot about the pain associated with the hurtful feedback. That was exactly what I needed! What was painful at the moment is now funny to laugh at as a memory…and to poke fun at out-of-touch individuals, I suppose.

Truth be told, it can be hard to break out of a funk because of something harmful that somebody said or did. However, it helps to know how to turn a painful memory on its head, especially if you’re an outsider to the situation and you realize “Hey, this looks ridiculous, let’s turn it into something ridiculous but funny.” I don’t expect this to work for more complicated situations like a break-up, manipulation, physical abuse, or violence; but it can work for a minor situation that’s actively making somebody upset like a backhanded comment. Give it a try the next time you hear about something petty or stupid if your wits allow you because I’m sure that when someone is traumatized by a harmful yet small thing, the first thing they will appreciate getting is relief.